Taking inspiration from Tauriel and Kili

Sometimes, I just wish it would stop, his crying, his whining, his nudging me on my head with his own while we are lying in bed and his incessant screams in fear of the rain and in anticipation of thunder. I also wish that the damn traffic would disappear so I won’t have to endure his mindless shrieking, screaming of help while the cars stall in front of me during an early morning ride to school.

Traffic and Thunder

Autism never ceases to present its own challenges. I am fighting the same monsters again like Azog and Bolg in the Hobbit. Strong, formidable and I’m just the She-Elf, Tauriel deftly getting out of their blows. I have no Legolas or Kili to help me, just me, just sheer will and grit of riding it out. Sometimes, I feel like being hurled on the wall, helpless, injured because I feel incapable of finding a solution to finally subdue my son’s two intense sensory disorders, Traffic and Thunder. 

Is it me, am I being soft with him but I have raised my voice a couple of times, threatening to get out of the car, sometimes furtively pinching him so he would associate his scream with a little pain but still to no avail. Maybe my last resort would be to follow up on my threats of leaving the car, or asking him to get out to the streets while of course within my sights.

I am just desperate and often when he resorts to his screaming fits, I imagine I’m with my favorite Kili hanging out in the car, me just marveling his breathtaking presence and his wide smile and forgetting the war zone I am in. It takes the grating parts off those moments. It makes it more bearable.

Right now, I need a miracle to remedy these “problems”. Maybe I need to load up on my prayers, maybe that would help, maybe I could make social stories, make a documentary or Powerpoint presentation like the ABA seminar I attended in to prepare him in these kinds of situations. Maybe that would help so that I could finally subdue these "monsters". I know I would trimph. I know I will even if it takes a while. Meanwhile, I will need to watch more Kili and Tauriel scenes to keep me going J