When the rains come

There are posts that are hard to write. And this is one of them. It’s not easy write posts about your child who has autism. Last week, the clouds began to spurt rain after a dry summer. And my son had his hands on his ears, screaming and hiding on my back and crying on my hair. I’m not sure if he hates the sound of the rain or the thunder that comes with it. I think it’s more of the thunder because he associates the rain with it.

Honestly, it’s easier to write about food, books, movies than write about what ails my son. It’s different, it’s personal and I feel powerless. It's near to home. Okay, it is home. Because how can I stop the rain from falling or the thunder from happening? I wish I was Thor or friends with him so I can ask him to bring the thunder somewhere else because my son doesn’t like it. But unfortunately, I can’t. I have to deal with it, my son too.

I just came from the ballet and it’s half past midnight. I can’t sleep. I have to write this post because it has been overdue like a paper you don’t want to start, a diet you want to postpone. But it’s been burrowing in my mind for so long, something is nagging me to write it and update my neglected blog as I call it. Because when the heavens poured last week I had been in hell from the screaming and howling that lasted for an hour. Part of me wants to share it so others who are also going through the same thing will feel that they're not alone in this.

Anyway, my sister and I tried going out with him on the rain, letting him touch it and I thought it worked since we were outside and it drizzled. But when it rained harder he still covered his ears and whined. Still, I'm thankful for my sister for trying :) Then surprisingly one day, when it was pouring, he just stopped covering his ears while watching cartoons and he became accustomed to it. I was so happy. But the sun was out the next day. So I’m not sure if he really had been “cured” from his irrational fear. I’m afraid he’ll revert back to his screaming banshee ways when the rains come again. Oh no!

How can something so ordinary, so common can upset him? I don’t know. It's part of the disorder, I think, when sounds seem to be filtered differently to them. I try not to let it get to me but when someone’s screaming at your ear, it’s hard not to feel the blood rush to your head and not feel a migraine or a vertigo coming. 

If the rains come again, I have to be prepared. I can desensitize him now by letting him watch the rain on youtube, explain to him through pictures what the rain is or read stories about the rain. This is easier than done but I'll try. Of course, with lots of prayers on the side.

P.S.

It’s been weeks and his teachers in his mainstream school have helped him cope. He has stopped covering his ears and doesn't seem to mind the rain that much anymore. Hopefully, it would be a bit better from here on. 

Autism Stress comparable to Combat Stress

" Parents of children with autism understand they endure constant stress, fatigue, and pressure, but they may not realize its severity or potential effects. In fact, a 2007 study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that mothers of adolescents and adults with autism experience chronic stress comparable to combat soldiers...." (p. 41, The Autism File magazine. Fall 2011)

I can relate to that. But for me, it applies not only to parents with older children but to parents with younger children too like me.

Lately, I have not been doing a good job being a soldier. I have been guilty of giving in to my child’s whining so as not to upset the routine he has for himself. I know it’s wrong but his outbursts and tantrums sometimes equate to a bomb explosion and the rain of shrapnels come in as rude stares given to me in a public place.

Yes, I get tired. Like I have recently. Bingeing myself on useless videos on the internet, reading juvenile blogs, wanting an escape. I know it shouldn’t but I’m only human. I get tired of the bombs. I get tired of the stares.

I know I need to wake up and start the fight again. I have to tutor him again, release him from his routine. I have to be this duke it out Amazon again because it is for his own good. It is tough love.

Summer vacation would be here soon and there would be no mainstream classes in a month. Of course, he’ll attend summer classes but still that one month would be a little brutal. I will have to find ways to entertain him or educate him.

I am a soldier and I get tired. It’s bad enough that I’m running away from the ghosts and challenges of writing and the now I have to get away from the hounds of autism. But I know I have to get myself together. I have to. It has kept me awake for many nights now. Somehow, when I sleep, the guilt pesters me, it mocks me, “You didn’t tutor him today, you didn’t write today. “ Damn, what’s a woman to do.

Dealing with autism is hard work. It doesn’t get better. They will get older, more symptoms will arise aggravated by the usual challenges of growing up. I need to step it up. I need to, For his sake. My writing will have to distract me, nurture me, keep me sane from the hounds. Because not doing so would make me restless. It will bother me.

I also need to have faith. Faith that I can go through this. It will take a lot of hard work, inspiration and dedication. And I will tell myself that I’m not alone. I may be attending Autism Society’s ABA workshop this coming March 31 to learn more about ABA therapy. I know it will help. So here goes the fight again.