Mother's Distraction

I have been wrapped up in a juvenile undertaking lately, watching reruns of Gossip Girl particularly, the Dan and Blair episodes, taking away my precious time from my son. Why, oh why do I have to pursue such trivial pursuit? Maybe sometimes, I just need to escape.

I have been stressed as of late. So is my husband, so many expectations from so many areas of our life. We are being bombarded by so many challenges. But I know we will pass through it, with God’s help and our love and support for each other. We will triumph over these. Then I will try to disengage myself from this flimsy endeavor.

But why do I do that? Engage in something sporadic, dreamy like watching romantic videos on Youtube. Maybe I just want to escape sometimes. Because life with a boy who has autism can be quite challenging. Nothing you do seems to be enough.

I feel guilty that I have been neglecting him lately. I guess I’m just tired. I want to lose myself in my dreamworld even for a few hours. But I know I can’t always have that. I need to focus on my son, tutor him. I know my attention will need to revert back to him again, I just need a break, a time to unwind.

Because let’s face it, living with a child with autism can be grating. It grates your heart and your soul. It does so slowly yet continuously. Everyday a certain behavior ticks you off, often you ignore it. But at the same time you have to confront and change it like getting him used to certain sounds that makes him go berserk. You have to identify what sound, smell, or object that is and make him adjust to it.

But how in the world do I do that? Sometimes, it’s just so hard and all I you want to do is escape and never come back. But I’m not like that. As they say, I need to suck it up and move on. I have to do it no matter how hard it is.

I know I will confront these challenges again and I will have to show up at the testing stage again, to try and win in the battle of wills. But in the meantime, even just for a few days, let me have my sweet pair, Dan and Blair to distract me :)