Living life again after my son's autism diagnosis

I first made this blog to vent out any frustrations I had about motherhood and of course its joys. But little did I know that I would be facing more challenges as a mother. In January, my son was diagnosed with Autism Syndrome Disorder (ASD). To say that my world didn’t turn upside down is an understatement. My world did, like a big asteroid crashed into my world, destroying some of my dreams for myself and my dreams for him. I was almost in a state of depression, crying and praying hard. Finding interventions for him had been a struggle and still is because fighting something you’re not familiar with is hard.

His temper tantrums are like little storms and sometimes great hurricanes in my life. Like someone who lives in a little island, I live defenseless in these storms with winds tossing and screaming, howling, while I stand my ground and hope that it will pass. I no longer live in a sunny and lazy world, my world is battered by such storms and I learn to survive these.

There has not been a cure for autism. The high functioning ones will have to be looked after by someone for the rest of their lives. So you have to really prepare for their future, a future that can be uncertain without us parents. I used to have a bargain with heaven so he could live a normal life. Then I realized it’s futile to hope. Like a survivor in an open sea with only water surrounding me, I have learned to survive. Though there are little “directions” from above through books I find in book sales and people I suddenly meet that can help me, most of the time I’m on my own.

Sometimes, I still want to believe in miracles, that there is still a God then I realize that there are things I really prayed hard for that didn’t materialize, they say it was God’s will so I don’t know. I still sometimes hope but most of the time, I just cope. Believing that my son will become like a normal kid who can argue with me is a faint dream anymore because right now I am thankful for what is given to me, that he can already say mommy with a wide smile on his face and give me a kiss when I ask him to. It’s a small miracle but I’ll take it.